On envy: stop comparing yourself

envy - stop comparing yourself

“Nothing in this world can so violently distort a man’s judgment than the sight of his neighbour getting rich.” — J.P. Morgan

I’m a horrible person.

The other day I was scrolling through Facebook (not because I needed to know to what my friends were up to, but to entertain myself out of my boredom.)

I saw my friends celebrating their successes, some are travelling around Europe.

Did it make me admire them?

No.

I envied them. I was jealous.

And quickly I moved to look at my other friends who I deem to have a more ordinary life or at least one that looks less desirable than mine.

But I always catch myself and ask: Why am I feeling this way? Where does this come from?

With this, I started looking for answers and I can’t help but share what I found. Enjoy.

 

Envy Makes You (Very) Irrational

Back in 1995, researchers from Harvard asked students/staff which they preferred:

  • Earning $75,000 a year when everyone else around them makes $100,000.
  • Earning $50,000 a year when everyone else around them makes $25,000.

Prices of goods and services would be the same in both cases.  So a higher salary really meant being able to own a nicer home or a nicer car.

50% chose option 2, leaving $25,000 on the table, just to avoid earning less than their neighbours.

This makes absolutely no sense, but it is an accurate determinant as to whether one measures their success only to themselves or relative to others. It is nothing more than social comparison.

Think about it – much of our self-definition comes from comparison with others. We can’t define ourselves as great singers, if there is no one else around who sings worse than we do. Qualities like intelligence, beauty and skills are relative and thus when we compare poorly in comparison to our peers, our self-esteem suffers.

We experience envy when the quality we feel inferior about threatens our self-concept. We may not even be aware that we are lacking a particular quality, but the object of our envy heightens our awareness of our deprivation.

For example: Do you feel envy when you see a great diver at the Olympics? Probably not, because, for most of us, success at diving isn’t a core part of our self-concept. But let’s say you were a competitive diver — might you feel a little envious if you saw someone much better than you competing at the Olympics? (Aristotle wrote about this long time ago  – “We envy those who are near us in time, place, age or reputation.“)

Thus, envy of others is always a reflection of something we feel about ourselves. We’re not rich enough, or smart enough, or beautiful enough; we don’t have enough possessions, enough attention, enough success.

 

Envy Drives The World, Not Greed

“It’s not greed that drives the world, but envy.” — Warren Buffett

While ‘greed’ refers to an excessive desire to possess something, ‘envy’ is a desire to possess what the other person is possessing. And more often than not, greed is fueled by envy. A lot of times, we desire something simply because we see someone else enjoying it.

Everyone is here not just to make money, but to make more money than what the next person is making (the research earlier proves this). Comparison and competition is intense, creating a perfect recipe for envy.

Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett’s business partner, would go on to say:
“Envy has no upside. The idea of caring that someone is making money faster[than you are] is one of the deadly sins. Envy is a really stupid sin because it’s the only one you could never possibly have any fun at. There’s a lot of pain and no fun. Why would you want to get on the trolley?”

While a small pinch of envy is a positive motivator, a chronic comparison complex can ruin your life.  If you cannot control the ancient urge to measure your success against that of your peers, your happiness will always depend less on how much money you have than on how much money they have.  And that’s something you will never have any control over.

 

Two Types of Envy

It has been said that there are two types of envy – a good type and a bad type.

The first type is the feeling of inferiority that motivates a person to improve herself. This bias exerts its influence by framing the success of others as a learning opportunity for ourselves. It serves to inspire us to do more and be more than our current standing. Our envy leads us to imitate that hero in a quest for self-improvement.

The other type, though, is malicious envy, which motivates the envious to take good things away from others. To the malicious envier, ridding oneself of envy requires taking away from the other — the beautiful car or house should be stolen or damaged, the virtuous person corrupted or killed and the beautiful face of someone ruined or covered. The malicious envier believes that those things should be his rather than theirs. He, after all, deserves it more.

 

How to Deal With Envy

An important question remains: How should we deal with envy at a personal level?

The tip I’ve found the most effective comes from Naval Ravikant.

In his interview with Farnam Street, he said that when he was young, he grew up a poor kid.

He would be envious of his peers on the other side of the field living much better lives. This went onto his late twenties where despite he was making a lot of money, he was still constantly envious of those above him.

But then, he figured out something that gave him peace of mind. It was:

“You can’t cherry pick the things you envy so much about the other person. You would have to take a 180 degree swap with that person. (You would have to take her age, her family history, her struggles, her failures, her medical conditions, her pains, her parents, her friends, everything. And lose everything you have built and leave everyone you love behind.) And unless you are totally comfortable with that swap, you shouldn’t be envious.”

After all, it was their experience that shaped their lives.

 

In Closing

“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” – Nicolas de Condorcet

Envy is a real pain in the ass that we deal with on a daily basis. It’s one of the main reasons I have avoided my news feeds on Facebook and Instagram. But I guess only time will tell before I’m fully comfortable accepting where I am and stop comparing myself to other people’s lives.

While I know, you can’t remove envy out of your life overnight, you can at least be aware of it when it happens and question your emotions.

***

I once heard somewhere before that happiness is wanting what you have. And I think that is a good place to start.

And in case you’re wondering how you can avoid being the source of envy for others? Aristotle had an answer: “The best way to avoid envy is to deserve the success you get.”

 

***
Reference:
Mental Model: Bias from Envy and Jealousy by Farnam Street

The Fastest Way to Career Success

Clearing the Path

Source: venngage.com

In his book, Ego Is The Enemy, author Ryan Holiday talks about what he calls “The Canvas Strategy.” It’s a popular concept among the personal development community. So popular in fact that its excerpt was featured in Tim Ferriss‘ book Tools of Titans.

The strategy was taken from the Romans. The Romans had a word for this type of person. They called them an “anteambulo” which means a person who cleared the path in front of their patron. If you are able to do that successfully, you will secure a fast and educational position.

In today’s lingo, it would translate to make others look good. But these four words “make others look good” make us cringe. It goes against the very essence of the “self made person” culture we are raised in. That everyone one of us is supposed to focus on ourselves and may the best man win.

Now, when I say make others look good, some of you would think it implies a lot of ass kissing and passing your credit to someone else that you don’t feel deserves it as much as you do.

But this isn’t so – it’s a mindset change. It goes from “slaving away my livelihood for someone else” to “giving my best to make others succeed which in turn will make me more successful.”

To quote Ryan himself:

… it’s finding the direction someone already intended to head and help them pack, freeing them up to focus on their strengths. The canvas strategy involves actively finding outlets for other people – in fact, actually making them better rather than simply looking so.

… In other words, discover opportunities to promote their creativity, find outlets and people for collaboration, and eliminate distractions that hinder their progress and focus. It is a rewarding and infinitely scalable power strategy.

The following are his 3 keys to the Canvas Strategy:

3 Keys:

1) Find new trains of thought to hand over for them to explore. Track down angles and contradictions and analogies that they can use. Ex: I was reading the biography of ______, I think you should look at it because there may be something you can do with the imagery.

2) Find outlets, people, associations, and connections. Cross wires to create new sparks. Ex: I know _________, and I think you two should talk. Have you thought about meeting ____?

3) Find inefficiencies and waste and redundancies. Identify leaks and patches to free up resources for new areas. Ex: You don’t need to do ___________ anymore, I have an idea for improving the process, let me try it so you can worry about something else.

 

***

There is a common saying that I constantly remind myself –

“If you are willing to make others successful, then you will be successful.”

This can be making your company more successful through exceeding your KPI’s, thus getting you promoted faster.

This can be making your friends more successful through introducing them to other people that would help them in their journey. People will eventually know of you and you will be talking to influencers as a result of word of mouth. You never know where it leads to. (Who doesn’t want to associate with someone who is proactive in their success?)

This can be making your clients more successful through delivering better products and services. My aim with this blog is to make you, my readers more successful, so that in turn, I will get my blog to read by even more people.

Remember, clear the path for others on their journey.

 

***

If you wish to listen to the excerpt on The Canvas Strategy in full audio form, click here.

How to Have a Great Day Everyday

I don’t know about you. But whenever Friday comes along, two things come to mind:

  1. Hooray! It’s the weekends! I can finally rest and be at ease (for about 2 days and 2 nights of all-you-can-sleep)
  2. Damnit! It’s the weekends already. Time sure flies and I don’t remember achieving what I set out to do or at least enjoyed myself.

Fridays are a constant reminder to me that life is not meant to be delayed. Or as Tim Ferriss would call “a deferred life.”

It seems irrational to slug it out for 5 days while hating the process so that you can finally give yourself permission to enjoy yourself on the weekends.

This post was written to provide food for thought for those 5 days.

 

Designing Your Life By The Day

The exercise is to learn how to design your ideal day.

What on earth does that mean?

It would mean to really think about what would make the day a great one for you.

Now, some of you may think – but to me, an ideal day is travelling the world and sipping Margaritas on the beach.

Fair dream. Fair goal, I would say.

But if it is not within reach right now, why be unhappy till then?

 

Now, just imagine how great your life would be like if you were able to identify what makes a great day for you that you can do right now?

You would be able to do it all over and over again 🙂

 

Here’s my list to give you some ideas:

  1. Sleep eight solid hours (or as much as I need)
  2. Have a good meal (home cooked food tastes awesome)
  3. Exercise and sweat
  4. Meditate for 20 minutes
  5. Have a mid day nap for 20 minutes
  6. Make others more successful (for my company, or for my readers of my blog)
  7. Have “present” time (watching a movie, dancing, reading, writing)
  8. Talk to a loved one
  9. Explore a different part of the city / Change environments

 

Having a checklist such as this will not make you instantly happy but it would serve as a reminder of what you can do in order to feel as though that you made the most out of your day.

One of the things I do every morning is to ask myself what would make today great.

As you can see, it doesn’t have to be a big thing. It can be a good lunch, exercising, watching a good movie or accomplishing something at work.

 

Sometimes, we all need to shut up (or learn how to speak right)

Being young and brash, I often feel the need to exert my “righteousness” onto people. Whenever I notice something about my friends, I point it out. Not because it had to be said, but because my mouth has the habit of always having an opinion.

 

The Times I Messed Up

One time, I pointed out to a friend of mine that her straps on her backpack looked like seat belt straps. Now, it made a good joke but at the same time, was it important that she now views her once cherished bag as a sack with seat belt straps?

Or the other occasion when I was in a group and a friend of mine told me that a colleague is going to Company A. But I was so sure it was Company B that I mentioned it into submission. (Later I found out it was Company A)

Or this one other time where I was tempted to talk about this one fellow who I greatly admire, but just had to (for no good reason) mention what I think is wrong with him.

Ben, you just had to. Don’t you?
I know I know. I’m a jerk who just can’t shut up most of the time.

 

Getting It Together

Realizing my mistakes lately (always happens this way), I decided to look for answers by reading the classics like How to Win Friends and Influence People and reading articles by my favourite modern writer, especially Ryan Holiday.

His best pieces of advice?

  • Always say less than necessary
    (the more words you say, the higher the chances of saying something wrong)
  • Ask yourself: “Am I saying this because I want to prove how smart I am or am I saying this because it needs to be said?” When you’re just getting started, it’s usually the former.

This was in of itself extremely helpful, but there was a test that was written ages ago by a philosopher named Rumi that is still used today and it goes:

  • Before you speak your mind, let your word pass through the 3 gates:

    At the first gate, ask yourself “Is is true?”
    Is it factually correct? (My error with Company B fits here)

    At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”Are you saying it to prove how smart you are or does it need to be said? (My seat belt observation fits the former)

    At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”
    Is it something good and positive? (My for-no-good-reason negative opinion of someone fits here)

 

The Cost of Being Wrong?

Being young and up-and-coming, we all feel the need to prove ourselves or exhibit some form of superiority to show that we got it going on. But at times, this is all merely a facade. Often times, it’s insecurity. But it is alright to be wrong or to keep your mouth shut.

What do you got to lose by being wrong? Nothing much.

What do you got to gain by being right? Nothing much.

On working smart and working hard

If you Google the words “working hard vs working smart” you will see images of hard workers being portrayed as frustrated or stupid whereas smart workers are seen as… well, smart.

Why is that?

This is mainly due to the rise of lifestyle entrepreneurship made popular by best selling books such as the Four Hour Work Week (great book btw).

Why wouldn’t you want do more in less time right?

Now, if you are the type of person whose main concern is to get work done so that you can enjoy your “me time” and have a social life, then the antidote of working smart was created exactly for you.

However, if you strive to be a CEO or founder of a successful startup one day, you should view the idea of working smart with an additional caveat – working hard as well.

The debate about working hard and working smart is getting out of hand.

The real question to be posed is “Why not both?”

As mentioned earlier, being able to work smart seems to confer some form of social validation. Just working hard now means you haven’t taken the time (nor brains) to figure out a more effective way to get stuff done.

I personally struggled with this for a long time thinking it is either working smart or working hard.

But the longer you work in the “real world”, and not the world peddled by most self-help and productivity gurus, you soon begin to realize that hard friggin’ work is equally if not more important than smart work.

Don’t be fooled that by just working smart alone that you are able to get to the top – you can’t.

Working smart often implies getting away with less and doing the Minimum Effective Dose (so to speak), as in doing just enough to get by and not much else. When in actually fact, doing what’s more than needed is what that is going to separate you from the others.

Anyone can be lazy once the needed work is done, but few are willing to do that a little more extra to make their minimum needed work shine like a piece of art.

You learn to work smart so that you can get creating a masterpiece faster, not to producing mediocre work at scale.

So where does hard work come in?

With hard work, it looks like [SMART WORK] + [HARD WORK] = create masterpieces at scale.

Considering the fact that top CEOs have reported an average wakeup time of 6:15 a.m., with many rising before 5, and most worked at least two hours at home after dinner. In some cases, they work 18-hour workdays. Many of these industry leaders credit their success to working while others aren’t.

As Michael Moroney said in his piece on the matter:

“If we want to be successful, we shouldn’t be content to simply work smarter. The most successful people work smart, but they also work exceptionally hard. They maintain the same level of persistence and drive while learning ways to do things more efficiently.

We don’t all have to aspire to be CEOs, but for those of us that do, finding more effective ways to do things is only half the battle….

Young professionals and budding entrepreneurs must work smarter, harder, longer and better — because their competition already is.”

How to Think About Choosing Your Spouse

 

The most important decision you can make in life (as agreed with Warren Buffett and Sheryl Sandberg) is marrying the right person.

I have been reading a lot of mental models (learning how to think) and thoughts on decision making.

Warren Buffett has this notion of the “20 Slots”. He says if you were to imagine that we are given just 20 slots on a punchcard in life and no more, you would think very carefully before you punch any of the holes.

And he believes that all you need is less than 5 good decisions to have a great life – financially, emotionally and so forth.

My aim with this post is to give you my thoughts and how I think about making the most important decision in your life.

 

  1. Your worst is your best indicator

Growing up, I was told to do well in school so that I could eventually get a good job and have my life financially settled before dating someone.

There is merit to this argument as it highlights the importance of financial security.

Given the fact that most couples argue about money more than anything else, I can see why this path is often preached by our elders.

But what if the reason people argue about money is because they expect it to always be there?

In other words, the financial security itself is the set-up for setting expectations that money will always be ready and that the worry for money is distant.

We strive so hard to be the best version of ourselves (well off, educated and calm), but we forget that the worst version of ourselves are still within us (irrational, emotional and unstable).

Look for a person who can deal with your worst side, because anyone can deal with you at your best, but not anyone will bother with you at your worst.

Have someone who will love you at your worst, not your best.

 

  1. She will not always love you

Like all things in life, they don’t last forever.

The more poetic way to say this is “This too shall pass.”

I learnt a concept from Seneca on making friends, he contends that one should not make friends so that he will have people be there when he is in trouble, but instead make friends so that he can help them when they are in trouble.

Simple, but profound.

Don’t view marrying someone as a having a lifevest when you are sea, but view it as being the lifevest when they are at sea.

This goes contrary to popular belief, I know. But it is this that brings true joy.

Shakespeare once said that the mother of all disappointment is expectation.

When we put the onus onto us to do what we can do for them, every little act done by them is greatly appreciated on our end and that forms the basis of most relationships – being appreciated for each one’s efforts.

Don’t make friends so that they will be there for you, make friends so that you can be there for them.

 

  1. Good things only come about through compound interest

What does this mean?

It means that little things done everyday add up to something stronger over time.

I can attest to this personally.

I used to hear that marriages are soul-sucking affairs; not to mention all the marriage jokes one hears.

But it does age like wine if you put in effort everyday to make it good.

Little things done daily amount to great things over time.

 

The Shortest Post On Productivity

Don’t read any books.

Don’t look out for any productivity tips.

Don’t remember any steps.

Forget structure.

Just do it.

And be obsessed about it.

Treat it like your baby.

How to Be Productive: Eliminate Distractions

SH*T. IT’S 5 O’CLOCK ALREADY?!

 

I hate it when this happens.

 

You were researching for just one article. But you end up reading 99 other unrelated ones.

If you come across cat videos… GAME OVER.

 

You say to yourself:

“You know what, I need a break anyways.”

That break resulted in nothing important getting done during the day.

Then you say:

“Actually, it ain’t too bad. I can always get a bunch of Red Bulls and power through it tonight!”

*checks in at 9pm* watching videos

*checks in at 11pm*
“You know what I’m tired, time to go to bed. I need sleep in order to do REALLY GOOD work.
I will wake up at 4am if I have to!”

But you snooze and end up waking up at the same hour every other day that gives you just enough time to get ready and not be late for work.

 

And the worst part?

THIS HAPPENS ALMOST ALL THE TIME.

 

All this pasar malam negotiation with yourself would stop and can stop if you just put in the work when you are supposed to work.

In other words, keep your focus during office hours so you don’t need to think about work once you clock out.

 

Focus is a muscle. It gets stronger the more you use it.

But this being the introduction into productivity will be talking about creating an environment that makes focus all the more easier – that is to Eliminate Distractions.

 

 Eliminate Distractions

– For your laptop (I’m presuming you are using Chrome like the other 90% of people)

Install the following extensions:

  1. Block Site
  2. Facebook Feed Eradicator
  3. DF YouTube
  4. Pocket

 

  • Block Site

First things first, identify what are the no. 1 time sucking website?

For me, it’s YouTube.

Insert in just one website for now and make sure you can’t access it for a period of time.

I know that I’m at my peak in the morning.

So I set my active hours to 8am to 12pm everyday.

That way I’m not allowed to access the site no matter what during those times.

 

Once you get comfortable with the blocking, add more and more time wasters into the tool.

 

  • Facebook Feed Eradicator

As much as I rather not use Facebook entirely, I still need to as part of my job to contact certain media outlets.

What this tool does is that it removes the major distraction – the news feed and replaces with an inspirational quote.

 

  • DF YouTube

I use this tool even if I’m not working.

It gives you the option to block out what you know will distract you – the recommended section.

I personally block out everything except my feed for my subscriptions which are narrowed to just 10 channels.

I check them every morning and watch them on my way to work.

You can see what I am subscribed to here.

 

  • Pocket

You need to download this app on your smartphone as well. I repeat – you NEED to.

This app essentially solved my “bookmarked – read-it-later” problem.

If you are a productivity and personal growth nut like me, you would bookmark ANY article that you deem is valuable.

But then it ends up in a folder or your bookmarks bar alongside all the random shit you have bookmarked like the next book to buy or the next movie to watch.

So what this app does is – whenever you come across a particular blog posts that you know is gold, you Pocket it and it saves a barebone version of it without the sidebars and ads – JUST THE GOOD STUFF for reading on your phone.

Just turn on your WiFi or data and download the saved files and read from there.

P.S. this technique helps you fill up your time especially when you and your other half goes shopping. (instead of randomly scrolling through your Instagram and Facebook, I mean)

 

Side note: Check your e-mail as little as possible. Batch your sessions to at most 3 times a day.
I have found sweet spot to be at 7.30am (since I get my groove on at 8am), 11.30am (before lunch) and 4.30pm (before leaving).

 

 

– For your phone

All those extensions may still not be enough if your smartphone buzzes harder than a bee beatboxing (?)

  1.  Turn off all push notifications except Messenger, Whatsapp, Call or Text.

Side note: It’s okay to turn off your phone completely when doing heavy concentration work if you know that there is no one who would call you first in an emergency.

If there is someone who would ONLY rely on you in an emergency and you are the best in position to help them, keep your phone on.

Why turn off push notifications and not messenging apps?

BECAUSE STATUS UPDATES CAN WAIT. COMMENTS CAN WAIT.

Plus, if it’s really urgent and the person contacting you is close enough to know your number, they would know that calling you or texting you is the best choice.

 

 

– Your desk

Your work station is where you spend most of your time at.

For this I recommend the Only In Use Method, which is:

  1. Clear your desk completely (place the rest on the floor or in your bag or in the cupboard)
  2. Use your desk as usual (only putting what you need on your desk to do your work)
  3. That’s it.

You would be surprised how much stuff you thought you need to work didn’t need to there.

The photos, the papers and the stationary.

When your desk is as clear as can be, your mind has nothing to focus on besides your laptop.

A Millennial’s Cry to All Fresh Grads (and How to Get Unstuck)

CONTEXT: I’m a 24 year old law grad who graduated officially last November (convocation and all). Gotten a job offer by last September and landed my job of choice at iPrice by last October.

With all the recent barrage of media outlets covering the “unrealistic expectations” of fresh grads in Malaysia, I can’t help but to provide my two cents on the matter.

They frequently cited 5 reasons most fresh grads remained unemployed:

  1. Unrealistic salaries
  2. Poor attitude
  3. Choosy about job or company
  4. Lack of English proficiency
  5. Poor communication skills

Let’s start with salaries –

Referring to an employers survey conducted by JobStreet in 2016, it was report that 60% of fresh graduates expect a starting salary of RM3,500 while another 30% wanted RM6,500 to fund their lifestyle.

I personally think that RM3,500 a month isn’t an unreasonable ask given the rate of inflation we are experiencing. But please don’t go around thinking it’s a given when the average salary of most entry level positions are around RM2,500.

That said, kudos to the ones who are asking for RM6,500 for their ambition to think big.

But there is one HUGE thing to consider if you are one of them:

  • How much value are you creating for the company?

You must understand that from the standpoint of business, the boss will be more than happy to pay you RM10,000 a month if you can provide returns of RM100,000. In fact, they will approach you if you are that good.

Learn to give more value than you receive in payment

Poor attitudes –

Our mindsets determine our outlook on life.

I have no rant for this but just pure empathy.

Empathy for those who have yet to see what they are truly capable of.

I was no private school child. I went through all the Kebangsaan schools like everyone else did and I was never taught the power of the growth mindset until I started my path in reading book almost every week.

I was obsessed with the ones who are successful. I watch Gary Vee everyday, read Seth Godin’s books, had my Instagram plastered with fancy quotes and sportscars.

(This all happened after my finals, mind you.)

This entire journey changed how I saw the world. With that mindset, I went in for my job interview and got my job of choice 2 months before officially graduating.

My recommendation is to read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck.

Tom Bilyeu, the American entrepreneur best known as a co-founder of Quest Nutrition, the second fastest growing private company in North America described the book as “the single most important book ever written in the English language.”

Tony Robbins, when asked which books he has gifted the most on the Tim Ferriss podcast, said this book was one of them.

Here’s a video to get your feet wet:

Choosiness –

What’s wrong with that?

When you have choices, you should choose right?

But please, don’t sabotage yourself because of ego.

There is never a job that’s beneath you, only jobs that limit your potential.

Lousy English –

I can take on two stances on this:

  1. The school system is to blame for not putting emphasis on English
  2. You are to blame for not realizing it was important early on in the first place.

I prefer to take the second stance. But that isn’t fair to those who genuinely came from backgrounds that were very non-English.

If you have difficulty in English now, start learning.

There is no excuse. None.

Can’t communicate –

When we are trained to write more than we are to speak, our speaking will generally be worse off than our writing – for sure.

How to learn? Speak more in low risk situations.

Do it with family friends or close friends to begin with and then slowly move to colleagues and acquaintances.

You got to start somewhere if you want to get to some place.

CONCLUSION

Finding a job is easy. Any job I mean.

To get the job you want is the challenging bit.

The greatest lesson I have learnt since graduating and working on my career is to the virtue of being patient.

We millennials lack it tremendously.

There are times you would think to yourself that your employer is paying you oh so little in the beginning and you are not getting the perks you deserve.

But as long as you practice these two things, you would be alright:

  1. Always do what’s right (even if it doesn’t feel like its worth the effort right now)
  2. Be patient.

Don’t believe me? Ask your seniors.

 

This post first appeared on LinkedIn.

I Still Feel Jealous When I See My Friends…

Why do I still feel this way?

The other day I was scrolling down my Facebook feed when I saw a friend of mine post a picture of his first car purchase… I immediately felt belittled.

I felt inadequate… but most of all – JEALOUS (not envy).

But then it hit me – I don’t even like to DRIVE!

Have you ever caught yourself feeling that you were dealt the unfortunate hand when see your other friends succeeding?

“Why can’t I have that?” you say to your self.

We keep comparing our behind-the-scenes to other people’s highlight reels.

And damn is this unhealthy.

What is the best way to deal with it?

The answer is in the quote – comparison.

Comparing yourself in admiration to others is fine. If you strive to be the best in the world one day, then it is good to look at the best and see where you stand.

But the healthiest way (as cheesy as it sounds) is to compare yourself to your past.

This solves the huge “I’ll be happy when I…” problem as well.

Don’t sabotage yourself by delaying your happiness everytime you see something (or someone) that other’s have.

Instead you should look back:

Really. Think about how far you’ve come.

You should be proud and grateful.

There is no merit in jealousy.

SO BE GRATEFUL (but don’t forget to go for gold too)

🙂